Encouraging words are true words

For encouragement to be effective, it needs to be based on the truth. Otherwise, it is merely fluff and flattery.

We were talking about this at work last week. One of our youth workers, Stephen, shared a good illustration from his days playing football:

After a poor performance, which I’m assured was rare, his coach would pat him on the shoulder and say, “great game, son”. Of course, Stephen didn’t believe him. The truth was: he could have played better. But instead of acknowledging the reality, his coach attempted encouragement with empty positivity. It didn’t work. Words that aren’t true rarely help anyone.

Examples like this abound. Every day, people are congratulated, celebrated and affirmed as ‘great’, amazing’ and ‘the best’ for no good reason other than we like to keep things positive.

Single people are told, ‘you’ll find the one soon’. But the reality is they may remain single all their life. Those struggling with infertility are assured, ‘you’ll have a baby some day.’ The crushing reality is, they may never conceive. To face their frustrations and disappointments with courage, they need to hear more than well-meaning sentiment.

Encouragement that is received

How can we ground our words in reality to ensure our encouragement is received?

Critically, we need to think about about the reasons for our encouragement.

Any time we are about to speak, it's worth asking the question: ‘why should they believe my words?’

To illustrate, consider the famous psalm of David:

Notice how David does not stop after the words, ‘Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil’.

He continues, ‘for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me" (Psalm 23:4).

Encouragement that works …

1. Acknowledges the reality of the situation: 'even though I walk through the darkest valley'.

2. Points to solid reasons that give courage and comfort: 'I will fear no evil for you are with me'.

3. Speaks in specifics: 'your rod and your staff, they comfort me'

When it comes to youth work, we do teenagers no favours when we ignore the fact of their poor performance or physical limitations or difficult home life.

And as we seek to give them comfort and courage to face their challenges, we need to make sure that our words are grounded in reason and reality.

If young people don't believe our words, they'll not receive our encouragement.

The need for words with foundation is all the more important when it comes to how we talk to young people about their understanding of themselves and their sense of worth.

But that is for my next post.

Stephen 

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