- Rethinking Youth with Stephen Mullan
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- Dads, speak.
Hi friends,
I’m afraid I’ve been slacking on the writing front – but glad to be back.
Over the past few months, I’ve been talking more about the subject of raising youth than writing about it. It was great to help my friend Andy Lamberton, director of Legacy, record a podcast series about faith and fatherhood.
Feel free to listen along here. We have six episodes lined up for series one and three roundtable discussions ready for late summer.
One theme grabbed my attention through the conversations – the power of a father’s words.
Dads can often reduce their role to the two Ps – Provide and Protect. But there is so much more to their fatherly work. At the very least, dads have a critical role in shaping their children’s character and preparing them for future life. In this, a father’s words and example are key. I’ll leave the importance of example for another day. But let’s think about his words.
Dads, speak
I wish more dads took their words seriously.
Unfortunately, many dads are not aware of the power of their words, or perhaps they doubt that anyone wants to listen. The consequence: dads can let special moments pass with important words left unsaid. A father’s silence breeds uncertainty in his children and questions linger: ‘Does he love me?’ ‘Is he proud of me?’ ‘What potential does he see in me?’ Perhaps dads assume his children know the answers, but they long to hear him say it.
Other dads are thoughtless with words. I know of a few sons who were crushed by their father’s belittling monologues or cut by his vicious tongue.
Words matter. That is a general principle for all of life. But in the context of raising children, there are few things more important than the intentional words of a father.
1. Dads, speak words of affection & approval
Someone recently pointed out the words spoken by God at the baptism of Jesus: “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” I love these words. Significantly, they were spoken long before Jesus did anything great in public: long before the miracles, before his famous sermons, before the crowds of disciples, before his extraordinary death.
Now imagine what it would be for every child to hear their father speak so openly and joyfully of them. Do you not think that every child aches to hear these words?
Words of affection: ‘This is my son, whom I love’
Words of approval: ‘With him I am well pleased’
We already know that when dad is involved, girls are less likely to take sexual risks and boys are less likely to act out. How much more secure will children be when they know, without shadow of doubt, that their dad loves them.
When a dad speaks openly and unashamedly about how he loves and delights in his children, he gives them a gift of immense value. His words give them a sense of worth not attached to achievement and the confidence to step out into the world without desperation to win approval out there.
2. Dads, speak words of advice
In most cases, advice isn’t wanted. We like to figure things out for ourselves. This is partly true when it comes to children. They can learn so much on their own, if they are given the right opportunities and encouragement. But there are some things that just need to be passed down the generations.
The book of Proverbs is basically a treasure-trove of wise instruction from a father to his son. “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction”.
Too many teens have no guide as they make the passage from childhood to adulthood. But when dad steps in and passes on what he has learned about the things that matter most – everyone benefits.
The stakes are too high and the consequences of foolish choices too lasting for us not to speak words of counsel and warning.
Dads, share your wisdom and experience.
3. Dads, speak words of assurance
A father’s words don’t have to be impressive, just sincere. Even when we don’t have anything profound to say, we can give our children our promise. We can say, ‘I’m here for you, no matter what.’ That could mean the world to a child.
When we look our children in the eye and assure them of our full support, regardless of the mess and pain that must be faced, we fill them with hope and give them confidence to take the next step. We give them the certainty of our presence in uncertain times: Dad will always be on their side.
A final word
Fathers, don’t take your power for granted. Your words matter. They matter more than any teacher or youth worker.
Please don’t waste your words.
Your children long to hear you speak good things into their heart.
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Thanks for reading.
Would love to hear your own thoughts on this. What am I missing about the power of a father’s words?
Stephen
P.S. Know someone who might get value from these posts? Send them here ⤵️